[The Good Life]

It’s about that time again! 

It late and I’m up thinking about my life and ranting about it on TUMBLR! 

LGI!

Well, I thought it was late, but It’s only midnight? It’s been such a long day.

It’s been a great Lazy Sunday for me. Woke up at 9:30, caught up on Hawaii Five-O and then did almost nothing the rest of the day. Napped, jogged, cleaned, online shopped, hung out with my favorite cousin for a bit too! She was on her way back to Seattle from LA and stopped by for a couple hours. It was cool. Fun and chill.

But this past couple weeks have been great besides the fact that I had finals last week, but I got through and I’m alive!! 

The week before finals, I was feeling so overwhelmed though. I found out all my grades were border line and that my grades relied on how well I did on the finals. Thursday I had a lab final at 8 AM so Wednesday night I stayed up till 4 AM studying but I ended up getting a 56/50 so it was well worth it. Then Friday I had a calculus readiness exam and I bombed that. Then the following Monday I had two finals. Chemistry (which if I didn’t pass, I would have to retake the class again!), so I studied all Saturday and Sunday and Monday until my final at 3 and didn’t get to study for my coms final which was borderline B+, A-. I ended up just BSing on my final and still got a B+ on the coms final and A- in the class, which was very lucky of me. Still waiting to hear back on my chemistry final though and I’m nervous AF! Then I had my government final which was also borderline, C+, B- so I studied all day Wednesday (final wasn’t until 3 PM) and then had my last final on Friday. I think I actually did well on all my finals, which is good unless I just fucking bombed them all and then I’m screwed. But leaving my finals, I felt good about how I did except my coms final but ended up getting a good grade, so I can’t complain there. lol. Hopefully I’ll find out by this week how I did. I know, my grades are terrible but it’s been such a long semester, I’m just glad it’s now all done and over with!

But other than that, now I’m on summer break and need to figure some shit out. Although my life seems to be all about school, it’s really not. I guess everyone’s ultimate goal is to be independent, or at least mine is. So that’s what I’m gonna try to work on this summer. I know I’m not ready to move out on my own yet, but I can work my way up there. Start saving and working more. It’s just frustrating sometimes and I just get stuck and want to give up, but then again, that’s just life. 

It feels like what I need most is self-motivation. There’s no one I can turn to and ask for advice because when I do, they just answer, “I don’t know, it’s your life”. It’s like dude I don’t know what to do and I’m asking you for your opinion, just tell me what the fuck you think!! lol. Like why are you holding back? Shooot. It sucks even more since I’m so indecisive so it’s like I always need someone to turn to when I make major decisions. 

I think I’ve found two new hobbies though! Well one new one. Running/jogging! It’s not that I’m a good runner but I actually am starting to enjoy it for multiple reasons. One, it’s the only exercise I get. Two, it clears my mind. Three, I get a decent tan on my legs lol. I never thought I would enjoy running but never say never? lol. And my other hobby is reading. I’ve always loved reading, but just don’t get enough free time to during the semester and never realized how much it helps me clear my mind also. When I’m reading, I’m so lost in the story I’m reading about, it takes my mind off of reality and lets me enjoy the story. It’s awesome. I love reading, that’s all I’ve been doing these past few days since semester has ended lol. 

Well, until I have any other major problems, I’ll talk to you next time!

-Thee Nai Saechao

[The Good Life]

Life… 

I feel like when I’m down, I turn to Tumblr to let it all out.

Most of the time it helps because I vent and maybe people read it, maybe they don’t but either way, it’s out of my mind.

It helps.

So earlier today, my mom called me, and I know I haven’t talked to her since the last time I was in Redding, which was like 3 weeks ago, but it’s like I don’t have time. She was like, why do I always have to call you first? If I don’t call you, you won’t call me… I feel bad because it’s true, but the only time I have time to call her is past her bedtime. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her either, it just sucks because when I talk to her, it just makes me miss her that much more. Sometimes I even wish I was back home in Redding. But I guess that won’t be for another couple years, unless I drop out of college. But my mom probably thinks I don’t miss them back at home, but really, I do, and talking to them just makes me miss it more. I hate FaceTiming them because I see everyone home and I wish I was there with him. It’s not like I’m homesick, well maybe that’s what it is… But still lol. IDK.

Honestly though, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. This year, 2012, has been such a shitty year, and every time I think things are starting to look up, I fuck it up somehow and I’m back to where I started. I guess it’s all part of growing up. i’m going to school, and this semester is probably thee hardest semester I’ve had yet. Seriously, this seamster is the most effort I’ve actually put into school in a long time. I don’t have a social life, I don’t go party, none of that shit and I’m still struggling, barely hanging in there and getting the worst grades I’ve ever gotten. It’s sad. It’s disappointing. It’s discouraging. 

All I want in life is to make my momma happy. I just want her to not have to worry about money anymore. I want her to just be happy. But it sucks because she is always worrying about something, even when things are going right. Maybe that’s where I get it from. My mom can never enjoy herself. My ultimate goal in life is to make her happy, make her proud. Make her proud that I’m her daughter. Somehow… One day… 

But I have a lot on my mind, so I’m just gonna write and write… Stop reading if you’re not interested. Keep reading if you’re nosy and wanna stalk me… CREEPER! haha jk, if it’s too personal, I’m smart enough not to post it.. Duh, that’s why I got rid of FB.

But anyways, I feel like I’ve changed a lot. I don’t know if it’s a good thing. I’m starting to think it’s not. I think I grew up too fast. I feel like I matured too quickly. I used to be this energetic crazy person who is down for anything. Don’t get me wrong, that person is still in me, just deep down though. I feel like I’ve become this boring person who has too many personal problems to want to go out and be crazy. I don’t care for drinking anymore. I would rather spend a night in than out. I just don’t care for the stuff I used to love doing like 6 months from today. I’m not saying I’m independent, mature and all grown up. I’m just not as… what’s the word… spontaneous, as I used to be. I’ve become this dull person. I laugh less. I think I’ve also lost some of my sense of humor. 

It’s crazy that I’m noticing these things because If I’m noticing them, that means it’s true. I’m a boring person lol. It’s sad, but it’s the truth. 

Lately, I’ve come to accept things for the way they are. My phrase for last week was, eso si que es. (that’s in spanish) If you read it, you’d think socks? lol. But it means, it is what it is. And that’s just how I’ve been feeling about everything. So much has gone wrong and bad lately that I’m just about used to the disappointments. At a point, you just start to accept things the way they are because you know there is nothing you can do about it and it’s just your luck. And lucky me, my luck sucks!! 

I’m in such a bad mood lol. And I know it too. It sucks. I studied like over ten fucking hours for this test that I needed to do well on to get my grade up and I still don’t think I did well. I don’t think I bombed it, but it’s not gonna do anything to my grade. I shoulda fucking aced that shit. Gahhh, I hate school. I hate this feeling. I need a drink. lol. It’s been too long. 

I have so much to look forward to, yet I’m still down. I need to get this out of my system. Just be happy. Or at least content. Maybe if I keep writing for another 30 mins and let all my thoughts out, it’ll help? Maybe, maybe not. 

Truthfully, I’m just trying to avoid writing this speech. It should be pretty easy since I already know what I wanna say and have my research done already. It’s just that the whole process is so long… Hmmm… Maybe I just need to talk to someone and not just random people who may or may not read this… Well looks like I’m gonna iChat my best friend. Thanks for the help!! hahah. 

Oh and it might be too late, but don’t judge me on what I just wrote. Well I guess you can, but that’s just who I am and that’s just what I think of… So uh, I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. PEACE!

- Thee Nai Saechao

[The Good LIfe]

If only life were this simple. Staying up late. Not having to worry about tomorrow’s quiz. Not having to worry about finishing up the lab due tomorrow. Not having to worry about doing the homework before 11 PM tonight. Not having to worry about waking up and having to spend 10 hours at school.

Well what I’m trying to get at is that that’s a lot to worry about, and that’s just school. That doesn’t include everything else. Work, social life, sleep, eating and personal business. Life is tough. School is extra tough. It’s no wonder people drop out of college.

This semester is kicking my ass, but I’m fighting back. Just mental note to self - don’t take 15 units lol. Just spend the extra year in college so your GPA doesn’t suffer.

But it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Or at least it seems like it’s been a while but it says I last blogged a month ago. I’ve just been so busy between school and work and trying to have a social life and getting enough sleep. It’s been a hectic 3 months. It hasn’t been the best three months but things are starting to look up and this spring break has been exactly what I need. Two more months and I will be even happier.

It’s a tough life but you just gotta be tougher than it. It’s merely about taking it one day at a time. I mean some days I feel like a zombie, but sometimes that’s what you have to do to get through it. Take each day as it comes and don’t look too far ahead and don’t dwell on the past. Keep the good vibes, forget the negatives.

Seriously, thinking positive is the best thing you can do in a bad situation. I learned it the hard way. But at least I learned it. That is the only way to get out of your bad mood. True story.

So I think I’ve reached the point where I’m just blabbering about things that only make sense to me. So until next time…

[The Good Life]

-Thee Nai Saechao

I’m gonna try and take Brittany’s advice and blog and see if that makes me feel better. Like honestly, literally, I’m about to explode right now. I want to throw my phone across the room, slam my laptop to the ground and just scream until I lose my voice… But I know none of that would solve anything.

There’s just so much shit going on through my mind right now. Maybe it’s because I am at home and have time to think about all this shit. But when I was at school, from 11-8, I was perfectly fine. Feeling good, happy, content. But when I got home and started thinking about everything… I just don’t even know. 

I don’t know what to do with myself. How to handle all this. What to do. I just feel like I have too much going on right now. And honestly, I just really really don’t know what to do. I have no one to tell all this to. No one here to hear me out, try to help me. No one I can trust. No one cares. I’m just here in this world alone. Trying to cope with everything all by myself, and this time, I don’t think I can do it alone. 

I cannot stress how much I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I wake up every morning with a robot’s mentality, I guess you can put it that way. I have to do this and this and that, so I do this and this and that. I don’t stop to think. I’m just on the go from the moment I wake up — but I think that’s just what I HAVE to do. I think I have to do things without much thought. It’s much easier that way. I can get through the day if I keep myself busy and on the go. Don’t let myself think about anything else but the task at hand. 

I don’t know what I can do to relieve all this stress. I’m just overwhelmed with everything.

It’s just that moment in life where I didn’t duck and life hit me and now I just have to take what life gave me and try to get through it and move on…

-Thee Nai Saechao

[The Good LIfe] 

It’s about 1 AM on a Wednesday night, Thursday morning and I’m tired. I’m feeling weary and my eyes are feeling droopy but I am not tired enough to fall asleep and shut my mind up, so I am laying in bed reading. I’m reading this book that is pretty much just like the show CSI, but more in depth because it’s a book. I’m laying here reading about how children and women are put into plastic bags as they are die and pickle in their own fluids from their body and set on shelves in a 4x6 hole. I’m reading about how this killer does this to multiple children and women. These children and women stood no chance against the killer. They had no idea what was coming to them. This might just be a book, but as I’m laying here reading about all this, I’m thinking: shit like this is not uncommon in the real world. Think about it. 

In the real world, shit like this happens every day, if not every hour. This is real life shit. It’s just got me thinking, this happens to a lot of people around the world, and fortunately, I am not one of them. I am very fortunate to be safe and away from this stuff. I am fortunate for what I have in life because what I have and may not appreciate, could be what others don’t have and would die for. I should appreciate my life. I’m not saying I don’t, I’m just saying I should appreciate it more than I already do. I have a lot to be happy about and a lot to look forward to in my future. I am given opportunities most people aren’t given and this life I’m living may be the lives the unfortunate are dreaming of living.

Maybe I’m just delirious right now, but it’s okay, because just from reading this and all this late night thinking, I’ve come to realize that I live a wonderful life. I am happy with where I am in life. I’ve come a long ways since I was just a child and I have many people to thank for that. My family, for instance, without them, I would not be where I am today. Although I’ve always thought of my parents as always being too overprotected and strict,  I would much rather have them that way than careless. Because they were overprotective and strict, I am who I am today. I have a great family who is always there for each other no matter how fucking idiotic each of us may be.

Shit happens. Life events are like shit. Some shits you see coming, you feel it before it comes out.. Other shits, you don’t see it coming and it comes out unexpectedly, kinda like sharts. Probably a very nasty, unnecessary comparison, but to an extent, it’s true lol. Think about it. Shit happens, life is always gonna be coming at you. You just gotta know when to duck and when to stand tall and take whatever life has to offer. Until your last day on earth comes, live everyday with a positive attitude. As cliche as it sounds, live everyday like there’s no tomorrow, because in reality, you never know what tomorrow brings you. This may be my last blog before I die, who knows. This may be the last words I type, the last words I give to the world.. You never know when you’re gonna get bombed. lol. 

Just appreciate what you have in life because you may be one of the more fortunate ones who have everything the unfortunate wishes and dreams they have in their life. Think about how they would feel to have everything you have. Keep an open mind. Don’t be selfish. 

But I’m just Thee Nai. WHat do I know? I don’t know much, but I do know that I love life. I appreciate what I have in my life. I appreciate everything everyone’s done for me. I love everyone who’s made a difference in my life and you all know who you are. If you’re wondering if that’s you, it’s probably not because you would just know.. Lol. True story. 

Well now I’m just rambling on because I like typing lol. I should really get some sleep soon, but I feel like reading some more… I just had to blog this. 

So just live the good life and quit tripping over little shit that doesn’t matter. Don’t have a negative attitude because that doesn’t help shit. Absolutely nothing. Seriously. I learned it the hard way. When things go bad, think positive. I swear on your life it helps. But maybe that’s just me. You won’t know until you try it. I think I’m done rambling now…

But just think about it… We are all fortunate… If you’re reading this, you’re fortunate. The unfortunate are the ones who don’t have a computer or phone to read this off of. Am I right or am I right?? haha

-Thee Nai Saechao

[The Good Life]